Why should attitudes, behaviours, 'responsibilities', depend on a relationship status? To me, a relationship is always a full-on thing. One can (& should!) never depend on external influences to dictate the way they behave towards their significant other.
Important Note: By saying 'relationship status' I mean in general terms, in which both parties mutually agree on - are we dating, married, separated, etc. You should never have to deal with not knowing where you stand in a relationship, & I've learnt through past experience that you should never stand for someone who goes to extremes to hide your relationship status.
Aaanyways. Few weeks earlier, I was having yet another one of my famous analysis paralysis moments. & I had a dream; in that dream someone told me:
'You've been doing things the same way all along; has this way been serving you? So that means this time you need to do something different, right? Someone who cares for you will always want to help you out when you are in need of it. If you haven't eaten, if you are in shit, can the other person be at ease? No! They will always ask if there are ways in which they can ease your burden! Your happiness is their happiness, therefore your pain is their pain.'
Yet I still somehow grown to realize that the reality is that the usual rules don't always apply in a long-distance relationship. Especially in one where both parties have never met each other. Bahahahahah, come to think of it, are we both mad or what??? Hahahahah!
Of course one could argue that if you can't be completely upfront/honest/yourself in a long-distance relationship, then you're wasting your time. I can't say that I agree or disagree with that. I think that it depends on how well a couple communicate, what their intentions are, & whether they are on more or less the same mental and emotional level or not. A relationship is always about give & take. & who can say what amount of give & what amount of take is reasonable for a couple? These are all variables that are up to the couple themselves to work out & find common ground.
I used to be proud for never depending on a partner. I always had my own job, my own money, my own shiz. I never asked for things, unless it was the obligatory birthday or Christmas gift. I viewed asking for material/monetary help a sign of weakness & dependency. I did not want to be a burden. Unfortunately this type of behaviour, taken to the extreme, can be self-defeating.
I have had friends who told me, a girl has to make demands or else our partners will get 'too comfortable'. We have to play the game right in order to keep them in 'hunter mode' - if the prey is too easily achievable, they will eventually get bored & look for other prey. WTF??? Ain't nobody got time fo dat, girl!
Seriously! If someone really gives a shit, wouldn't everything else naturally fall in place? When there is love, there will be respect, honesty, care & trust. Who got time to play all this 'hunter-prey' games woh. You think Hunger Games ah???
Aha! But wait! Got second part of the dream also oh!
'Don't be afraid to ask for help. But at the same time, remember - don't do things that further burden your partner. & you must up your game so that you will not fall as hard again in the future (thus needing help again). Always remember to care for your partner the same way he cares for you, & pull your own weight in the relationship. The both of you must help each other out. Always.'
I take back my words. In a way, not asking for help in times of need (the 'I-gots-it' attitude) is a good thing. You get to know who really cares for you, & who is just paying you lip service - cakap tak serupa bikin (basically means 'not walking the talk', or 'all talk & no action'). There will be people who will take you for granted if you keep playing 'tough guy'. But there will also be people who genuinely care for you & will insist on helping you out although you try to play 'tough guy'. Does that even make sense. Meh. You get the idea, ;)
Our generation fails at relationships because we go into them with the 'how can I benefit?' attitude instead of the 'how can I serve this person' attitude.
- Sylvester McNutt -
Who said only Gobuyan has awesome dreams??? *evil laugh*
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